Tara Reid: The Fat Drunk Slob Strikes Again!

Tara, you get so angry at all of us for making fun of you but you make it so FRIGGIN easy! Like, easier than getting into your pants, easy! A great example is the fiasco that occured just the other night.

Tara wobbled her drunk ass out of another hotspot, Hyde and stumbled into a group of Papas on the street...and thus the beginning of yet another typical evening in the life of Tara Reid...

"Everyone hates you paparazzi but when you're nice, I don't hate you guys because you're nice to me," said a somewhat rambling Reid, "The day you're not nice I'm gonna f***ing kick your ass."

Sigh. Oh Tara, you brainiac.

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Everyone is Shitting on Lohan! Love It!

Lohan, go run to Mommy. Yet another adult is calling you out on your maldramatic, brat-ass behavior. William Macy decided he would join the rest of the free world and give tongue lashing Lindsay a try. We don't have any complaints...she needs to get her ass in check. This girl has major balls to walk around like she owns everyone around her. Here is a quote from Macy below:

"You can't show up late," Macy, 56, told reporters Thursday at a Los Angeles junket promoting his new movie, Everyone's Hero. "It's very, very disrespectful."

"I think what an actor has to realize (is that) when you show up an hour late, 150 people have been scrambling to cover for you," Macy told reporters Thursday. "There is not an apology big enough in the world to have to make 150 people scramble. It's nothing but disrespect. And Lindsay Lohan is not the only one. A lot of actors show up late as if they're God's gift to the film. It's inexcusable, and they should have their asses kicked."

Maybe we are going about this all wrong, Lindsay. Maybe we shouldn't blame you. Perhaps we should blame your crazy mother who is still defending a grown 20 yr old adult woman for 15 yr old behavior. Or maybe, just maybe Lindsay, you should cut the shit and stop acting like a spoiled, selfish little bitch. Maybe?

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Heather Locklear's Ass --- Holy Crap!

Heather was just out shopping at Saks, minding her own biiiznaaas when those naughty Papas caught her half naked while fully clothed! Apparently, she has moved away from her daugher's Abercrombie and Fitch sweatpants and tank tops to transparent flowy skirts! All right Heath!

Ok, so on a positive note...Heather you are friggin' sssshmokin hot. We can only pray that our asses and legs look like THAT at 40-50! Thanks for the free show!
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Paris Hilton - Curses! Foiled Again!

This is what happens when a dumbass tries to act like an elite hacker (ok let's not get crazy). Paris Hilton's account with the company, SpoofCard has been shut down for some suspicous activity. Ummm, maybe taunting Lindsay Lohan by sending out malicious messages to her homies? Don't get us wrong Par, we think it's hilarious that you busted Lohan's vagina and really pissed her off but we find it even MORE hilarious that you are enough of a dumbass to get caught. Even though your Rep is trying to pull your ass out of the fire...it seems like you already have gotten BURRRRNED!
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Dumbass of the Week: Brody Jenner

No no no no no no noooooo! This is just gross. Hot boy, Brody Jenner is crushing on who else but NICOLE - Lettuce is Way to Fattening for Me to Eat - RICHIE? Brody, this is very disappointing. You were dating the queen of all things sassy, miss KC and you guys were totally cute. Kris is hot, you're hot. We loved it. Do you see those things poking out of Nicole's chest? Yeah, they aren't 2 pair of 4 mini-tits they are BONES. Bones, Brody! What are you going to do with her...scrub dirty laundry on those ribs?

Nevermind the fact that we just want to punch her in her pointy zombie face every time we catch a god awful episdoe of The Simple Life. You suck, Nicole. You aren't funny. You're stupid. Maybe you wouldn't be such a miserable biotch if you ate a steak. Ugh. So disappointing...
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Jessica Alba...A Tiger in Bed?

Miss hottie hotpants Jessica Alba apparently lives up to great expectations in the bedroom...even the ficticious ones! She lost a tooth and chipped another one while making some SLAMMIN' sex scenes for her new flick. We can't help but wonder wtf they had this girl doing to make her lose teeth other than the fact that the scene took place with Dane Cook. We figured Dane would be a crazy man in the bedroom...but this is just ridiculous. We're going to start calling him Dane Coockofsteal...the only explanation for broken pearly whites. Jessica, are you a biter?
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Kevin Federline = Fucking Classy!

Ah, Kevin Federline. How your satin tongue spins a wonderous web of dirty, white boy rhyme. We almost peed our pants after reading the K-Fed Masterpiece Theatre. It's amazing to us that you still take yourself so seriously, even after this...

-- "Valet your whip, grab your chick, you know how it goes."
Please allow our staff to park your vehicle, and be sure to bring your female partner with you, as you are surely informed as to how things proceed.

-- "Step up in the club so fresh and clean/Never been the outcast they label me"
When Kevin Federline fancies a jaunt to the disco, you can guarantee he is showered and has applied antipersperant/Look, Britney, I made a play on words with the OutKast song, 'So Fresh, So Clean'

-- "Let me take you back to 5 o'clock when I drove the Lamborghini off the block/but not before I made them chop the top and throw some twenty twos on them socks"
Earlier this evening, at five hours past noon, I drove my finely-crafted Italian sportscar away from my domicile. However, before said journey, I made it imperative that the automotive specialists customized my vehicle to be a convertible, and also apply rims measuring 22-inches in diameter.

-- "A lifestyle of rich living and fast cars/Don't hate cause I'm a superstar"
My daily life includes activities mostly known to the wealthy percentage of the population, and I would most appreciate it if you did not garner any ill will toward me simply because my wife gave me said money.-- "Never been to Denver, but I rock them nuggets/One earring costs more than your budget"Unfortunately, Kevin Federline has never taken a holiday in the fine capital of Colorado, yet he still wears oversized diamond earrings (genius wordplay # 2)/ One of my accessories inserted through my earlobe was appraised and is said to exceed your annual spending.

-- "I ain't here to brag, i'm just here to pop tags"
Please understand, Kevin Federline is not one to show conceit or boast, he's simply performing in order to earn more wages, which will in turn fund his penchant for buying new clothing.

-- "Look man, I'm in a whole 'nother tax bracket/It don't matter what you blow, boy, you can't match it"
Observe, good sir, as Kevin Federline's W2 for the year of 2005 was filed to the IRS and he benefitted from George W. Bush's tax cuts for the extremely wealthy/ No matter what female pop singer you marry, you shall never accrue the wealth that Kevin Federline has from his nuptials to Britney Spears.

-- "I take care of my own, that's my family/Magazines talk s--- cause they don't understand me"
Kevin Federline's hip-hop friends are well compensated, yet his litter of children may or may not also receive the same benefits/ Publications often run disparaging remarks regarding Kevin Federline's posture, musical abilities, sexual potency and so forth, but fret not ... they simply do not grasp the true inner beauty that is Kevin Federline.

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