New Britney Spears Doll? Close...But No...

Rated G for Gross: Nudity, Obesity & Hair in Strange Places

Oh look...man tit soup. This is quite possibly the oddest thing we have ever seen. A group of grown male celebrities gallivanting around in a body of water...we feel very badly for.

So let's see here. We have John Travolta...or Revolta (bad joke, had to do it) slamming down snickers bars while rubbing his man-titties together perversely. We have Tim Allen being pleased by Martin Lawrence (very questionable). Lastly, we have the privelage of viewing William Macy's old, bleeched, flappy ass. OUTSTANDING!

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Jessica Simpson Needs Help

Heeeyoooooo! Ok, so this is our second consecutive rag on Jessica Simpson this week. Whatev. It is deserved. There are only so many chances that one can give and she is pushing it to the limit. First of all, she looks like a deer in headlights. In fact, she looks like an absolute wackjob. This outfit (just like the majority of her recent choices) is completely unforgivable. WHY, WHY would you work this boot deal? We get the whole fitted jeans under boots thing. However, we can almost hear Jess blame her entourage..."YAAARRRRRG me maties...me stylist ordered me to wear them booties!" Perhaps she borrowed them from Jack Sparrow?

Jessica, we command you to stop the madness! Cease and desist!
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Jess, Another Notch Down the Totem Pole

Yikes. Jessica, ENOUGH is ENOUGH already! First, you go on record about wearing a rooster necklace to represent the lack of "cock" in your life and now this red lipstick / whore hair disaster. We aren't going to say WHO it is you are beginning to look like...but we'll show it. Good god, woman. Get a hold of yourself. Pick your shit up and get back in order. We LOVED you. Now, you kinda suck. But we haven't given up all hope as of yet. You still have time to turn it around. However, the absolute SECOND you are in court on crack charges we are writing you off and we are no longer friends.

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Name that Funky Ass

If you guessed Paris Hilton, you would be a master of the obvious now wouldn't you? Although Paris isn't exactly the most demure woman in the world, this photo has a little more to offer than meets the eye. Ms. Hilton seems to be suffering from none other than the elusive butt acne. Apparently, all of the spa trips in the world can't fight off a clogged butt pore or two. Granted, this is a minor flaw and we are shallow women that enjoy mocking rich and famous stupid people...but REGARDLESS...if you have ass zits you DON'T FLASH THE WORLD YOUR BEHIND.

Lastly, Paris we all know you are stick thin. BUT (and this is a big BUT) that doesn't get you out of muscle toning. If you are going to rock out with your chotch out then you need to start doing some squats and get rid of your flappy ass. It is starting to look square and saggy. Not good.

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JACKBUTT The Movie?

Apparently, Iowans (is that a word? we think so.) are not so happy with the movie Jackass Number Two. Simply put, they don't like ASS. In fact, they dislike ASS so much that a theatre in Orange City was forced to rename the movie JackBUTT Two.

Ok people, its official. You honestly have nothing better to do than complain about the naming convention of a movie (which by the way is a legit word for donkey)? Are you insane? What ever happened to freedom of speech? What ever happened to our constitutional right to be rude and obnoxious (cue patriotic music)? And by GOD, we SHOULD have the right to put up words like ASS or BOOGER or any other immature phrasing we like. Why? Because this is the United States of America! If you don't want to be a part of your team, get the hell out of the stadium!

What if we just ran rampant renaming movies because we didn't like the title? What about the tv show Hell's Kitchen? Should that be renamed Heck's Cookery? Even better, how about the movie FUCK that was unveiled in 2005? Would you like us to rename it FRIG or PHOOEY? Or is that still too offensive? Ok, we we have made our point so there is truly no reason to keep making awful jokes about renaming movies. You get the picture.

People, people, people...get jobs, Walmart must be hiring somewhere.

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Another Crazy Cruise on the Way?

Is Katie Holmes pregnant again or does she just really need to fart? If she is actually pregnant, what drug did Tom use to knock her unconcious to do the job?

Now, granted she just gave birth to Cruise spawn, Suri. AND she is significantly thin for a woman who just had a baby. However, this does seem like a concentrated area of bloat. Tom sure isn't wasting anytime building his little clan of scientologists. If these kids start acting like children of the corn, Katie really needs to make a run for it.