3 Isn't the Magic Number...Where's Lance?

Look's like Matty is cheating on Lance with Jake again. Aw shit, and they're biking! Lance is going to be so heartbroken! These guys are truly men's men. It's almost scary. Well, maybe minus the spandex. Although we aren't complaining. Go ahead boys, the tighter the better. Rock on my manly friends.
[source]

Pam Carves Another Notch on Her Paddle

Oh my god. She is getting friggin' married again. Pam, by the beard of Zeus, what is on your head? Are you really wearing that? And you're marrying who? Kid Rock? Oh, way to look ahead Pamela. Goooood plannin' girlfriend. This relationship definitely sounds like a lifelong committment. Did he ask you before or after he contracted hepatitis? And the reason for multiple ceremonies? What, do you think at least ONE of them has to stick? We are going to say that your present set of fake tatties last longer than this marriage. But hey, best wishes for a full 6 months of happiness!
[source]

Ashlee Simpson Screws Over Fans Again

Dear Fans,

I know I like totally let you guys down again and everything but a girl needs her "me" time. And obviously, since I am such a totally complex woe-man I need extra time to gather, like, all the voices in my head. So, like, I know I said I was sick but you guys caught me out rollerblading 'round town (oops). But seriously, I'll be at the concert in spirit and thats totally all that matters. So, like, you can still GO to the venue. Since they already prerecorded my voice for the concert they can just play the CD and flash my picture on the screens. You won't even know I'm gone! I am still better than my sister. Evil bitch.

I need a drink, where is the nearest bar in this dump?

Love y'all,
Ashlee xoxo*

[source]

Kevin Fagerline, At It Again...

You know what's even funnier than these god awful photos? When a openly gay friend of ours calls Kevin Federline a fag (love it). Kevin, honestly, what?

This guys is getting beyond irritating. He is such a tool and yet for some reason that is oddly appealing to some people. According to Star magazine, Kevin is also claiming that his rap will "pulverise" Justin [Timberlake's] pop tunes. Hahahaha. Ok, you loser.

Sigh, so getting down to explaining this disturbing photo. Kevin is now the poster boy for Five Star Vintage, a young men's collection from Blue Marlin, San Francisco. Looks like their demographic target is white trash america.

Britney, we are begging you now more than ever. Stop the madness, woman. Please. You created this monster and it is solely your responsibility to end it. We know you're in pretty deep but there is still time to dig your way out. For the sake of all humanity, put an end to this. We'll even buy tickets to your next concert, if you ever have one again. Pinky swear.

[source][source][source]

Nick & Nessa --- Awwwwkward.

So Nick and Vanessa had a weird, awkward moment today when they "bumped" into eachother on MTV. Like, uh DUH.

Here at Gossip, we had to wonder what was really going on in their heads. Although we are pretty sure that Vanessa was raping Nick with her eyeballs, we couldn't resist some pathetic photochoppin' fun.

They are practically mentally doin' it on stage, right? [source]

Sigh. Oh Jamie Lynn...

WTF is going on here? First of all, we understand that it may be a little low to mock prom dresses or whatever
the frig these monstrosities are. But seriously, wtf? There is no excuse for lil' Spears to be wearing such horrific clothing. No excuse what-so-ever. It's just fugly. We'll let the other two slide because they are normal teens with bad taste, but Jamie, WTF?! You have money. Your sister has money. You both gave your parents money! No excuses! [photo source]

Paris Gets Pooped On...How Appropriate

So on The Simple Life, Paris was playing wicked Stepmother to some poor kid. It was bathtime. What else would a normal mother do but put on an inappropriate skanky bathing suit (the one for the burger commercial) and jump in the tub?Apparently she scared the kid so much that he shit himself in the bathtub --- while she was in it. We're sure Lindsay Lohan is somewhere laughing her ass off right about now. See Hilton, karma is a total bitch. Check out the video here.
[photo source]

President Skeletor Strikes Again

Dear Ms. Ricci,

I understand that I am a significant icon of pop culture. I understand that my style, killer good looks and desirable eating habits are almost impossible to resist. Who wouldn't want to mimic me? That said, let's get down to business.
Listen up you crazy broad! You are walking all over my shit right about now. When I do something, I do it right. Drop this half ass attempt to floss my style and eat a cake, loaf of bread, bagel...hell I'll settle for an english muffin. I look like this because I eat trout I catch from a river, I don't bathe, and not to mention I have been cursed by a friggin evil ring for most of my life. What's your f-ing excuse? Get a life you nasty little bobble-head. Your tv show sucks. At least my movies grossed millions.

Step off,
Gollum

[photo source] [photo source]

Lindsay Lohan Passes Out (and it's not from drugs or alcohol)!

Lindsay Lohan was rushed to the hospital early Wednesday after collapsing from dehydration and intense heat. Lohan was supposedly filming in some hot ass weather for 12 hours straight. We're pretty convinced that the dehydration may have something to do with, oh, the shitloads of alcohol this crazy bitch consumes on a daily basis. Whatev Linds. Start chasin' those shots with some Evian and see if that helps. [source]

Tori Gets the Shaft! Wah wah waaaah.

Is Tori Spelling getting the shaft? Hell yes! Ms. Donna Martin has been totally screwed by her late father Aaron Spelling. It has been reported that she is only receiving less than 1% of his abundant fortune leaving Tori with a measly 1 million to pocket. Her wicked "mommy dearest" seems to be the one who is truly cashing out on the deal. Sorry Tor, looks like you are going to have to start workin' for a living. We've heard that both Starbucks and Walmart have wonderful benefits. Judging by the pictures below you have already been reduced to pawn shops and dollar stores. [source] [source]

Lindsay "Un-Blames" Paris for Hacking her Shit

More from Lohan news! Drama, drama, drama. Ok, so now Lindsay is letting Paris Hilton off the hook after accusing her of hacking her BlackBerry (you know, because Paris is totally an elite hacker). Even more hilarious to us is that Lindsay believes Paris is the only person who would want to do such a thing.

Listen Lohan, there are thousands of total computer geeks out there that would take great pleasure in busting your big brass balls. Paris is far to self absorbed to worry about your shit anyways. [source]

Prince Gets a Divorce...Wait...He was Married?

So Prince and his latest wifey are done-zo. maybe he found out that Lance Bass is now available?
Sorry Prince, Lance can do better. [source]

Still No Suri but Shiloh's Made of Wax?

Sounds about right. No, really, sounds about right. We haven't got one damn picture of the infant scientologist but Brangelina's lil monkey already has her own wax figure in Madame Tussauds Wax Museum in NYC. Apparently the exhibit includes an ambiance of African lullabies and creepy looking figures of Jolie and Pitt glaring menicingly over the baby (maybe the Nicole Ricci Zombie bit them too). Weeeeeird. [source]

Nicole Ricci is a Zombie?

Grooooooooooooss! Is it even a wonder as to why she is the President of Club Skeletor? Nicole, honestly wtf is wrong with your hand!!!!?

She looks like she is getting ready to jump up and bite him. Maybe she is just so f-ing starving at this point that she has resorted to canibalism. If anyone can shed some light on this one, please by all means let us know! Good lord!!! [source]

Lance Bass - Out and Lovin' It

In an exclusive interview with People magazine, Lance Bass of 'N Sync finally reveals his true sexual orientation (like most of us weren't suspicious to being with). We're all happy for you, Lance, simply because us women folk love gay men. You guys just simply rock.

Bass is very comfortable with his decision to come out. He felt it was necessary to put his true feelings on hold while he was a member of 'N Sync in fear of ruining the band. Aw, Lance...gay or not we still would have continued buying tickets to those concerts. We enjoyed being the only full grown women among thousands of 12 yr olds professing our undying love while you boys shook your grove thangs. [source]

Conclusion: We love you Lance!

Natalie Portman Kicks Some Ass!!!

Whatcho want Natalie?! The boys of SNL are right, you are one badass bitch! Apparently, Ms. Portman got grabby with some pappas who were snapping shots in Buenos Aires. [source]

Justin's New Video Premieres!

Justin Timberlake brought sexy back...as if it ever friggin' left him! You can watch his new vid here. I must warn you, its a little strange. Also, I think it may be one of those songs that has to grow on you after a few plays. Initially, it wasn't very impressive. Although, it seemingly became more tolerable after a few spins. Justin is looking rather slammin' in the video as per usual. No surprise there. All in all, Gossip has to say that if someone had to bring sexy back, we're glad that it had to be Justin (you fine thing, you)! [source]

Still No Suri --- But Who Cares?

Still no sign of Suri Cruise! What is a celebrity trash lover to do? Well you can make your own of course! Check out this strangely addicting Suri maker created by TheShowBuzz. Click the photo to start generating your very own scientology loving little Tomkitten.

Battle of the Titans - Nick & Jess' Significant Others

Jess & Dane
Makeout alert! Jess and her Employee of the Month costar, comedian Dane Cook, have been spotted being rather lovey dovey at L.A. hotspot Hyde. I think they are pretty darn cute together. Cook is absofriggin hilarious and Simpson is a little, needless to say, ditzy. He seems to be just what the doctor ordered for Jessica after the emotional rollercoaster she has been on from her recent split with Nick.

Nick & Vanessa
Ok, so we have all obviously seen the "What's Left of Me" vid. I am sure I am not the only person to wince in pain at the slap in the face Lachey threw out at Simpson by having Vanessa Minnillo player her part! Ouch! At first it seemed like your average attention ploy but now I have to say that Nick & Nessa are looking pretty darn happy together. While he seems to be pretty comfortable in his new found singleness Jessica is still pining. According to a source

"She's telling friends that when her CD comes out on Aug. 29, she's going to crush Nick and make him look like a third rate singer. Jessica is desperate to out-sell him. Other than album sales, she has nothing to hold over Nick's head. He doesn't need her for anything, and that drives her crazy." [source July 31 2006]

Peter Cook - Dumbass of the Week Award

So this dumbass cheated on his beautiful, wealthy, model wife (Christie Brinkley if you have your head in a hole) with a teen and now he's sorry. Oh cry me a river you big friggin' baby! This was an ongoing relationship for a significant amount of time. Pecker Cook is only apologizing because he was caught not because he loves his wife.

Dirty old man alert!!!!
[source]

Lindsay Lohan Rocks Out Nude!

Well, not really. But Lindsay did floss these hot lil' nude suits while partying it up (as usual). It's nice to see that her boobs "magically" appeared again. Although something needs to be said about the hair...we'll leave that to you. [source]

La La La Looooooney Tooooon!

MTV's Paula Meronek has seen better days --- just not anytime recently. If you have been sticking with The Real World at all this season, you already know that Paula has several personal issues to overcome; heavy anxiety and an apparent eating disorder.

Looks like things just keep getting worse for the Connecticut chicky when she was arrested on July 9th for BITING her boyfriend. Hehe. Ok, sorry, it's not funny. Ahem, anyways...

Paula's boyfriend Keith or John Keith or whatever you want to call him has allegedly abused her for the length of their dysfunctional relationship. If Paula goes down for taking a "bite outta crime" she could be sentenced to a year in prison. [source]

Janet's New Vid or the Temple of Doom?

Aaaaaaaaaawhaaata? This picture was rather frightening to come across. Don't get us wrong (Janet you are lookin' damn good) but what's with the facial expressions?

First thing we could think of was that dude from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (but asian version). You know, the one that chants and rips people's hearts from their chests? Yes, that one.

You just look so angry, Janet!
[photo source 1] [photo source 2]

Kelis' Milkshake Goes Sour

No Bra --- check.
Cameltoe --- check.
Absolutely ridiculous pants --- cheeeck.

Looking like that episode of Saved By the Bell where the girls make their own sexercise music video in spandex? Priiiiceless.
[photo source]

Lance & Matt - BFF'S 4 Life!

Lance Armstrong & Matt McConaughey are bosom buddies! The two seem to be quite inseparable lately...especially since they are living together! Calm down ladies, they still love you (sorry boys). Apparently, these sport fanatics are livin' it up in Malibu at McConaughey's beach house. Days consist of manly athletics and nights are primarily filled with bachelor antics. Sigh, we're moving to Malibu. [source]

Kate's New Ensemble or Too Many Mushrooms?

What a lovely...um...dress? Kate Moss was spending a relaxing day on a picnic in London when she was spotted wearing an actual acid trip for a dress. Was this dress a form of therapy after quitting (allegedly) cold turkey from various hardcore drugs? This frock would even make the guys from Pink Floyd geek out and throw up.

Maybe she figures she can catch herself a new boyfriend...chum is to sharks as trippy images are to addicts.

Oh Lord.

Oh lord. Here we go. As if we all haven't had quite enough of K-Fed already, he is now releasing an "official website". Honestly, how many of us are going to be checking on this URL on a daily basis with glee? This Vanilla Ice wanna be just won't go away. Britney, you are the only one who can put a stop to this. Stop giving your husband money. Let's be serious, even with all the money you gave him he is still a complete douchebag. You can't buy class...K-Fed has proven this time and time again. [photo source]

Is She Singing or Getting Ready to Rip a Big One?

Mariah Carey is lookin' BEAT at her kick off concert in Tunisia. Not only was Mimi looking like she was wacked by an ugly (and trashy) stick, but this particular picture was just not flattering. We couldn't decide if she was gettin' down with her bad self or preparing for a stint of vicious gas.

Last but not least...the denim shorts...wtf? Mariah, no no no no no no no no no no no no...
[source]

Kristen Cavallari or Red Carpet Call Girl?

We LOVE Kristen Cavallari but this lil' red dress was a lil' too lil' for the red carpet. She looks like a bad cocktail waitress in training. The fake tan also does not do too much to tone down the blinding color of this fire engine red frock. However, we loved the simple black & white with sexy toe-peeking stilettos! Nevermind how adorable her recent choppy 'do is! Love it!
[source]

Princess Leia Makes a Comeback? No! It's Ellen Pompeo!

Hahahaha! Apparently, someone thought it was a good idea for Ellen to go for a circa Star Wars era ensemble. Carrie Fisher is totally thinking "bitch stole my shit". Her boobs look like they are about ready to pop! That really must hurt to have them strung up so tightly. Maybe she wouldn't have been such an asshole on Punk'd if she didn't cut off the circulation to important body parts.

May the force be with you Ellen. Hehehe...
[source]

Club Skeletor in the Hizzy, Hollaaaa

HAWT dress! Not so hot hanger...errr..body. Nicole, enough of this bullshit. Yeah, you lost a ton of weight. Yeah, you went from being chubby and skanky to thin and totally couture. We respect that. However, you have zip in the curves department. A twelve year old boy could have rocked this dress just as well. When we can hang Christmas decorations from your collar bone there is a definite problem!

By the way...love the shoes.
[source]

PARIS HILTON, GO AWAY!

Is anyone else just totally ready to vomit if they have to hear this girl speak or sing anymore? Well, the good people of Spain don't really have a choice. Paris is now promoting her "album" across the sea and far away from, well, us. Sweet!

Ms. Hilton seems to be so busy making ears bleed that she just plum forgot to remove the sticky tags off the bottoms of her sasquatch shoes. Oopsy!

It's Been a Boobalicious Weekend!

Eh, so what if Kate Moss is livin' the rock out with your nips out philosophy? Let's all look on the bright side of this one. At least she isn't snorting anything! Thumbs up Kate! [photo source]






Oh Tara Reid...she just can't seem to keep those puppies under control! Once again poor Tara had a little wardrobe malfunction and this time it occured while paddling around in a Miami hotel pool. Yikes! [source]

[photo source]




Spiderman 3 in the hizzy! Next spring the film hits theatres. Here at Gossip we really hope it doesn't suck and ruin the first two. This is supposedly the end of the Spiderman movies and hopefully it doesn't end like Rocky...[source]